SPURWORDS: Week 1

A little over a year ago, as a still-relatively-new visitor to Twitter (@sispurrier, fact fans), I started churning-out a daily gag called THE HATING OF THE DAY. It did exactly what it said on the tin, never strayed over 140-characters-a-time, and was even occasionally funny.

(I flatter myself. I fucking hate people who do that.)

Off the back of all that, I was invited to contribute a weekly column for the highly popular and supremely gossipy comics-related website Bleedingcool.com. Which was also a huge pleasure, similarly bilious, and also once-in-a-while slightly funny.

After a year of that, I've downgraded the Short'n'Curlies column to an Occasional Pleasure - it's always been enormous fun to write, but it's also far more expensive in time-terms than you might think - and decided to return to a daily, silly, punctuate-my-life sort of THING on Twitter.

(I can't think of a better word than "thing", by the way -- meme? gagnugget? joyquanta? -- which is particualrly ironic given the nature of the New Thing Itself. Bear with me...)

See, I'm just a little less Hatey today than I was a year ago. I mean, a few people who never really *got* the HOTD assumed I must be quite a spiteful or nasty human being, which just--... well, actually, probably *is* the case, but that was never what the daily bilesquirt was about. It was never a personal attack against this-or-that, never a raging demonstration of the dragonshit-black HHHHate in my soul. It was just a funny little whinge; an "I'm still here and things are still a bit annoying, aren't they?", to the world. Most people seemed to like it.

So I'm going to try something similar. Well, similar-ish. And since it turns out there are more po-faced moral warriors out there than you might expect, who have a deep and abiding problem with Using Negativity As Humour (siiigh), this time round it'll be plain old Making Shit Up In Smirky Ways.

Aaaand since the *other* objection I often get - besides beign a hateful negativity-mongor - is that I'm a neurotic Nazi for grammar, vocabulary and big purple words, I have decreed that the new daily THING will be, yes yes yes, Words.

SPURWORDS, actually.

And so here, my pretty nodules of gut-custard, is WEEK-THE-FIRST of the new, glorious, and (yes!) even occasionally-slightly-amusing SPURWORDS.


SHIVERNNOYANCE: The experience of glancing-up, in a bustling cafe, to find a creepy pensioner staring directly at you. #SPURWORDS

CROTCHFLOSSER: the gentleman who proudly dries himself after swimming with a conspicuous back-and-forth gusset towel-tug. #SPURWORDS

ESPRIT D’ESCARGOT: the bon mot you *could’ve* said to that smarmy French Waiter, if only you’d thought of it at the time. #SPURWORDS

CONTEMPLATITUDE: trying to generate an earnest aphorism in response to someone you’ve been pretending to listen to. #SPURWORDS

RECIDERVISM: the ill-advised snakebite-and-black you don’t remember drinking until it reoffends on the way back out. #SPURWORDS


(Catch a new Spurword every weekday, usually about 4pm-GMT/11am-EST, at Twitter's @sispurrier. And, as ever, if you like what you see: be sweet, retweet!)